Volkszone Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Holy Calamity
Joined
·
67,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
...NOT.

I really don't know where to begin when it comes to describing the guy that I work with. In our office there are 12 women, one bloke, and me. I'm a bloke, obviously like, so it's 2 blokes and 12 women. 14 people. Well, 13 people plus however much of me is there, which is usually all of me physically and maybe a maximum of 30% mentally. That doesn't mean that I'm 70% mental, although I guess it might do. :confused: :lol:

So yeah, as the only other male, my colleague, who for the purposes of this post I shall call "Phil" (mainly because that's his name) seems to have latched on to me as some kind of font of knowledge of all that is male - you know, endless questions about PC repair, online gaming, how to do DIY, "blokey" TV programmes, lads mags etc. Those of you that know me will realise how totally deluded this guy must be, I really am clueless at all that and have very little interest in it whatsoever.

Oh, yeah... What was I going to write... Ahh got it.

Yeah. So somehow the conversation in the place turned from the normal dreary chatter - women moaning about their kids/husbands/neighbours/each other/whoever/whatever/wherever to breakfasts.

"I had a GREAT idea the other night", says Phil. "I thought I'd save myself LOADS of time by making my breakfast for the morning the night before and putting it in the fridge! I thought it'd save me AGES!"

"Thing is though, it didn't really work out as planned."

"O RLY?" Says I. "What went wrong? What did you have?"

"Well", he says, "it was horrible! All soggy and everything! Won't be doing THAT again!"

"O RLY?" I say again. I do actually say it a lot in real life. "What was it?", I was assuming some kind of Full English, or exotic continental yoghurt/fruit thing.

He pauses, and then without any trace of irony, humour, sarcasm, intelligence or wit AT ALL (I always try to see the best in people, and he's a nice bloke an' all, but BOY is he dull!), proclaims...

"Special K and milk! Soggy! Bloody awful!"


Silence.


A stifled guffaw from behind one of the screens was heard... But he's so straight and serious that nobody laughed out loud cos we knew how guilty/cruel we'd feel...

I mean... Where do you BEGIN to respond to that? Who on EARTH would EVER think that's a great plan? How much time did he think he would save exactly - does he pluck each Special K from the box with a pair of tweezers or something? Does he have a cow in the back yard that he has to milk before he can pour some on his cereal?

WTF?

I must say that I was very pleased with my acting skills - my oh-no-just-happened-can't-stop fake hayfever coughing/runny eye attack seemed to fool him...

That's it really. An overly long and not very exciting anecdote about somebody you don't know and will never meet written by someone using too many words. You'd have to have been there really.

Anecdotes about YOUR stupid workmates more than welcome, PLEASE make me feel I'm not alone...

Meanwhile, maybe on another forum, Phil is writing a thread about how yesterday I hole-punched through my keyboard cable by accident, and what a stupid buffoon I must be :lol:
 

·
Holy Calamity
Joined
·
67,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
fatherof2 said:
shoot him :tick: you'll have to for the sanity of the office :lol:
I've thought about it, but as it's a courthouse I expect they'd just march me round into the cells before I could make my escape :lol:

As I'm only a temp employee I expect I'll be out of there in a couple of months, tops, it won't matter then and I can move on to a whole NEW load of exciting and entertaining people to, err, excite and entertain :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,382 Posts
i think you should tell him to get dressed for work the night before......shower in his gear and dry off overnight......just to save time like :rolleyes:


or put his cooked breakfast on to cook at 10pm the night before :D


i see how you got the job now :incheek: :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25,882 Posts
bless. how about suggesting he just puts cereal in the bowl with spoon at the ready and easy access to the milk for the morning. won't save him AS much time, but might just meet him in the middle :D

oh by the way, hole punch the keyboard FTW :lol:
 

·
Holy Calamity
Joined
·
67,056 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
passatman said:
i see how you got the job now :incheek: :D
I showed my line-manager how to zoom into a document in Word ("Wow! I've been drawing this diagram for AGES and couldn't get the arrows in the right place! My eyes were aching! THANKS!") and I'm now regarded as some kind of IT guru :lol:

Volks-Widow said:
oh by the way, hole punch the keyboard FTW :lol:
I know! I was punching through a thickish document (some kid getting an ASBO) and thought it was difficult to wedge in cos I was going through staples or a paperclip or something. But no, through the keyboard cable - I wasn't concentrating, my mind was elsewhere:lol:
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top