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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
meet RUDY

AT 727PM ON OCTOBER 30TH 2006 MY BEAUTIFUL GIRFRIEND JANE GAVE ME THIS LITTLE FELLA :D
shes knackered and gone to sleep ive just got in and am going to pick them up with alfie tommorow afternoon :D



with his nan
 

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congrats changes your life my first one did and still is changing it, allways come at night/early morning little buggers!

should have read below before you had one though



Test to see if you are suitable to have kids.
>Test 1Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and
stick a
>beanbag down the front.
>Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months remove 10% of the beans.
>Men: To prepare for paternity, go to local chemist,
>tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the
pharmacist
>to
>help himself.
>Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly
to
>their head office.
>Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
>
>Test 2
>Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods
>of
>discipline,
>lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have
>allowed
>their children to run wild.
>Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping
habits,
>toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.
>Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have
all the
>answers.
>
>Test 3
>To discover how the nights will feel .. . .
>1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
>weighing
>approximately 4-6kg,
>with a radio tuned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing
>loudly.
>2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.
>3.Get up at 12pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am
>4. Set the alarm for 3am. 5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up
at 2am
>and make a cup of tea.
>6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
>7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off
>8. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am.
>9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off
>10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
>
>Test 4
>Dressing small children is not as easy at it seems.
>1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
>2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the
arms
>hang out.
>Time allowed for this - all morning.
>
>Test 5
>Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5-door saloon.
>And don't think that you can leave it out on the driveway spotless and
>shining.
>Family Cars don't look like that.
>1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove
compartment.
>Leave
>it there.
>2. Get a coin. Insert it in the cassette player.
>3. Take a family size package of chocolate biscuits, mash them into
>the back seat.
>4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. .perfect!
>
>Test 6
>Get ready to go out.
>1. Wait
>2. Go out the front door.
>3. Come in again.
>4. Go out.
>5. Come back in.
>6. Go out again.
>7. Walk down the front path/driveway.
>8. Walk back up it.
>9. Walk down it again.
>10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
>11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every
piece
>of
>used chewing gum,
>dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
>12. Retrace your steps.
>13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the
neighbours
>come out and stare at you.
>14. Give up and go back
>into the house.
>15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a
walk.
>
>Test 7
>Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
>
>Test 8
>Go the local supermarket.
>Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A
>full-grown goat is excellent).
>If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
>Buy your weeks groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
sight.
>Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
>Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
>children.
>
>Test 9
>Hollow out a melon.
>1. Make a small hole in the side.
>2. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it from side to side
>3.Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into
the
>swaying melon by pretending to be an aeroplane.
>4. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
>5. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on
the
>floor.
>You are now ready to feed a 12-month-old child.
>
>Test 10
>Learn the names of every character from the Fimbles, Barney,
Teletubbies
>and
>Disney.
>Watch nothing else on TV for at least five years.
>
>Test 11
>Can you stand the mess children make?
>To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the
curtains.
>Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
>Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean
walls.
>Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
>
>Test 12
>Make a recording of Janet Street-Porter shouting "Mummy" repeatedly.
>Important: No more than a four second delay between each "Mummy " -
>occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required.
Play
>this
>tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next four years.
>You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
>
>Test 13
>Start talking to an adult of your choice.
>Have someone else continuously tug on your skirt hem/shirt
sleeve/elbow
>while
>playing the "Mummy" Tape made from Test 12 above. You are now ready to
have
>a
>conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
>
>Test 14
>Put on your finest work attire. Pick a day on which you have an
important
>meeting. Now:
>
>1. Take a cup of cream, and put 1 cup lemon juice in it.
>2.Stir.
>3. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt.
>Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture.
>4. Attempt to clean your shirt with the saturated towel.
>5. Do NOT change. You have no time.
>6. Go directly to work.
>
>Test 15
>Go for a drive, but first...
>1. Find one large tomcat and six pit bulls.
>2. Borrow a child safety seat and put it in the back seat of your
car.
>3. Put the pit bulls in the front seat of your car.
>4. While holding something fragile or delicate, strap the cat into the
>child
>seat.
>5. For the really adventurous. .....
>Run some errands, remove and replace the cat at each stop.
>You are now ready to have kids. Enjoy
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
no tares natural birth shes resting baby fine and perfect im eating a curry at home and alfies waking up to a beother plus we dont need to buy any new clobber either :D im on the top of the world me
 

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congratulations mate , you have yourself a lovely family , rudy looks like he's gonna be a great wee brother to alfie , give everyone my best , and i hope to catch up with you all again soon !!!! :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
mikelkca said:
congratulations mate , you have yourself a lovely family , rudy looks like he's gonna be a great wee brother to alfie , give everyone my best , and i hope to catch up with you all again soon !!!! :D
thankyou see you soon
micra look out im catching up up building me an army ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
:D :D :D :D :D :D
im knackered im gonna watch all the soaps ive missed on replay then get mey head down.. im cleaning up and hovering for 4 now :lol:
 

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Congratulations to you both :)
Take it easy and enjoy that beautiful baby :hug:

And well done to Alfie for getting himself a little brother :hug:


.
 

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Well done fella :D

Hope the missus and the newbie are doing just great ;)

(Now get back down the hospital!)
 

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congrats dude.... well done to the missus
 
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