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NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

EARLY RETIREMENT.


Due to the current financial situation, the management has decided that all
workers over 30 years old take early retirement. This scheme will be known
as RAPE ( Retired Aged Personal Entitlement)

People selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the
SHAFT scheme ( Special Help After Retirement ). People who have been RAPED
and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme ( Scheme For Retired
Early Workers ).
All personal may be RAPED once only, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times
as management deems appropriate.

People who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependent or Spouse) or HERPES ( Half Earnings for Retired Personal Early
Scheme) Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by the management.

People staying on will receive as much SHIT ( Special High Intensity
Training) as possible. The Management as always prided itself on the amount
of SHIT it gives it's staff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough
SHIT, Please bring it to the attention of your Manager.

Your Manager has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.


Signed .........................................

On behalf of the Management
 
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