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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Im at my wits end!!

Ive known my other half has suffered with depression since we have been together, she has cut her ties with her family, been in and out of work, been on and off medication and generally been a bit of a nightmare but ive stuck by her through it all and supported her financialy and emotionally through it all.

But after 5 years nothings changed, shes now having counceling (again) but things seem to be as bad as ever and im at my wits end, im only 32 and shes 40 and im starting to think should i cut loose and make a life for myself rather than keep taking the sh"t which goes with living with her.

Ive stayed cos i don't want to make matters worse for her but im not happy in the relationship and dont think i can take anymore!!

Has anyone else lived with someone with depression and can give me advice? pm me if you dont want it to be public, any help will be great.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thats what my family and friends say but living together nmakes it a bit difficult!! I cant just move as the house is in my name and the several vw's on the drive mean i cant do a runner!!

I cant kick her out, i just couldnt do it, im already in the spare room as i told her im not sleeping well and didnt want to wake her. Its a tough one and i care about her a lot but dont think i can cope with the rest of my life picking up the pieces for her when ive got my own probs to deal with!

Feel like just doing a runner but im far too sensible for that!!
 

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Living with someone with depression is very hard. Having depression is very hard, and it's probably equally frustrating for the sufferer and the partner.

Support is the key. Depression doesn't always have a quick fix and sometimes, you feel like you're not living with the person you knew. It can be such a long road.

You can only truly give support by being fairly selfless and because you really love someone and want to stick my them and help get them well again.

If you really don't think you can stick the course, you may find that your love for her just isn't able to be sustained through all of this. Once you start getting resentful of the situation and think it's not fair on you, I suggest you need to seriously think about getting out of the relationship.

Only my opinion, and you really have to examine your motivations.

I know something of what you're going through mate.

Good luck :)
 

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I really feel for you on this!!!

I had a partner who suffered with (or was diagnosed with) borderline personality disorder (BPD). I tried to help him as much as I could, talking, listening and just generally being there for him as much as possible. It wasn't easy at times I can tell you, but I did as much as I could for him. He didn't want to be helped and expected someone to hand him a cure and make him better. He had intense counselling but wouldn't try and put the advice into practice at all.

In the end we split up finally (after 3 attempts at trying to make it work) because he pushed me away and wouldn't let me in any more. He accused me of all sorts of things that weren't true and then became intensely jealous of all my VW mates.

I really don't know what to suggest tbh. The descision is down to you at the end of the day, but you have to look at your happiness too. It's obvious you care about her well being, but sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind :(

:hug:
 

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I have suffered with deppresion for a number of years, I know where your comming from as I often think what it must be like for my wife, and when I do get my down periods I try not to let my girls see it.
you have to do whats best for you,
Im sure she has thought about how it is affecting you at some time, yes she will be hurt, but at the same time you have a life to live, and live it in the best possible way you can.
by what you say, you have given her every support you can, but it could be the time to move on, if you get the chance and you deffo are going to make the break, try and speak to her Counselor and explain your situation, at least he or she can then mabe help in that way,
it is hard matey, but in the end, a person can only put up with so much hardship.
 

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invalidusername said:
Living with someone with depression is very hard. Having depression is very hard, and it's probably equally frustrating for the sufferer and the partner.

Support is the key. Depression doesn't always have a quick fix and sometimes, you feel like you're not living with the person you knew. It can be such a long road.

You can only truly give support by being fairly selfless and because you really love someone and want to stick my them and help get them well again.

If you really don't think you can stick the course, you may find that your love for her just isn't able to be sustained through all of this. Once you start getting resentful of the situation and think it's not fair on you, I suggest you need to seriously think about getting out of the relationship.

Only my opinion, and you really have to examine your motivations.

I know something of what you're going through mate.

Good luck :)
you are so wise my friend :hug:

Good luck beetleragtop whatever you decide to do......and at the end of the day YOU have to do what makes YOU happy, life's too short to not be happy mate.

To stay with someone because you think they will not handle you leaving them is truely a wrong reason to spend your life with them. You will end up resenting THEM for wasting your years :(

Its your life..... spend the time wisely :hug:
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
^^^ i realte to that, ive been here for 5 years, seen it start, develop, given advice (ignored) built bridges with the family (torn down) got her jobs (thrown in) generally done everything i can and had it thrown back in my face.

I just want her to sort things with her family and stand on her own feet but feel she is playing on her diagnosis as a reason to not work and not face her issues.

Harsh but feel if she didn't have me supporting her she would face reality and sort herself out quicker.

Ive suffered from depression when i was younger and sorted it out but know there are many different types hense why i don't know what to do!
 

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tell them to walk on wet grass with bare feet. It's liberating. See a beautiful sight. Something to put things into perspective.
 

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I don't want to go into details on the forum but yes, I have and it is tough. The decision to move on though hinges around one question - do you love her? If you do then keep with it, get support yourself and speak to people who have been through it - I'm happy to chat via PM.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
thread overlap^^ ive been thinking all this for over a year by the way, its not new, ive stuck with it!!

its good to hear from those who have been in the same position, or experianced similar things.

Im a reserved kind of person who only talks to close friends but this place gives me the opportunity to ask people without the face to face embarresment of the stigma attached to depressen.

Think i may move out but pay the bills for 3 months to give her a chance to adjust!!

Think its come to that now
 

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I'm happy to PM chat too mate, as I know it's really tough and difficult sometimes talking face to face, particularly with people who haven't been there. But as you rightly say, depression comes in different forms, and it's certainly more difficult if the person appears to be "playing on it" :(
 

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HI, I think you know within your heart what it is you need to do..find strength the hardest words are goodbye. She will cope..she has done for this long?!
 

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From what you've said, her depression problems are getting you down. She's dragging you down with her, and if you're not careful you'll end up depressed too.
Sounds like you've done what you can to help, and it's not working, and she doesn't want it to work. Sounds almost as if she wants to wallow in her depression. And if that's the case, unless she wants to stop that, then all I can see is that it's hopeless.

This could come out sounding wrong. - There is a difference between support, and pandering to her every whim - and in turn her depression. ie Her problems becoming your problems, and everybody else's problems.

I had an ex that had suffered depression, had all sorts of other self image issues, and mild OCD. Drove me nuts, and was a part of the inevitable breakup. What really used to annoy me was the way she wanted me to do things her way, no matter how stupid they were, just because of her problems. I resisted as much as possible, which inevitably made her angry with me, but giving in to her would've truly driven me mad.
 

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I've suffered from mild depression myself.

It doesn't make you any fun to live with, but a supportive partner is a big bonus. My problem was that i really didn't want to be with that person any more, but the depression made the idea of moving out unbearable, so i stayed and got more depressed....

My opinion is that if you are unhappy, then as supportive as you may want to be, you'll never be able to give your whole self to helping your partner. I'd personally say that it sounds like time to move on from what you've said.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
2-bob Monkey Mafia said:
I've suffered from mild depression myself.

It doesn't make you any fun to live with, but a supportive partner is a big bonus. My problem was that i really didn't want to be with that person any more, but the depression made the idea of moving out unbearable, so i stayed and got more depressed....

My opinion is that if you are unhappy, then as supportive as you may want to be, you'll never be able to give your whole self to helping your partner. I'd personally say that it sounds like time to move on from what you've said.
cheers 2 bob, wise words despite our previous differences, thanks mate.

Hard times and everyones support is great, im going through the mill at the moment and am glad you guys are here for me.
 
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