Volkszone Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,942 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Really don't know where to begin really, it is a rather sensitive subject, but here goes, I could really do with some help, advice etc from other ste parents.

I live with my partner of 5 years who has a 10 year old daughter, in August of 05 we had our own daughter, since then it has gone down hill.:(

I love both girls equally, there is no favouratism whatsoever.

Lately the eldest doesn't listen to me if I ask her to do anything, gives a lot of cheek (I know she is only 10) and generally has no respect for me. If I ask her to tidy things away she says she is tired or whatever, I ask nicely again and again and in the end I lose my temper, then she puts the waterworks on and runs straight to her mum, then stupidly mum will tidy up for her, it feels like we are being played off against one another!!!

This is causing problems between me and my partner causing A LOT of arguments, it is always due to the same problem!!!

Am I being too hard on her etc, any guidance or advice would be awesome!!!!

Cheers
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,163 Posts
I'm not a step parent but it looks like your partner is causing a lot of this problem by allowing herself to be played by her daughter.

When I was 16 my dad re-married a lady with 2 kids a few years younger than me. I just rolled with it but her kids played merry hell. My "parents" got it under control by agreeing house rules for everyone and presenting a uni ted front. If they cheeked my old man thier mother reminded them that she loved him, and he payed half of the mortgage and bills to keep a roof over thier heads.

Once they caught on to the fact that they were a partnership that agreed 100% with each other the 2 kids calmed down and stopped acting like twats.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,498 Posts
sorry dude i've got no constructive advice although give it a couple of months and i'll be in a similar situation, i'm stepdad to a 7 year old daughter and me and the fiance have a baby due in May.

Good luck mate :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,051 Posts
Yep. U n i t e d front. You need to sit down with your partner and explain that her actions are undermining your authority. I don't always agree with my husband (he is step father to my 8 year old and we have 2 of our own) but I do try my best to not to disagree infront of the children and if it was something important we can discuss it together later and come up with some kind of compromise for the future. If my husband tells my son to tidy up and he then comes running to me, he first gets told off for running to me and is then made to tidy up. None of this isn't easy and I'm not saying for one second that we manage this all the time but we try to do this as much as possible.

Hope you get it sorted.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,689 Posts
I ahve step parents, though luckily we haven;t had the same issues with me and my sisters. However, my Step Dad's daughter ahs MAJOUR issues with my Mum, she just refuses to accept her and gives a lot of attitude. Now, it doesn't help that she has an attitude problem anyway though in fairness she did loose her Mum to cancer when she was younger. My Mum and Step Dad tried layingdown rules, were ******, and so she just moved out and then played the victim (acting like she was forced out etc).

It's never easy trying to weld to families together, and seeing what my Step Sis put my Mum through it is very similar. Kids work out very quickly how to work their ticket and play people off. You just have to unite and you need your partner to back you up no matter what. At the moment there is no respect because the 10 year old knows she doesnt have to listen to you. She needs to learn that you and your partner are ******, and that she cannot get away with being the way she is. There will be tears, tantrums and fights, but she will learn so long as you and your partner do not back down and see it through.

Best of luck mate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,835 Posts
Yep. U n i t e d front. You need to sit down with your partner and explain that her actions are undermining your authority. I don't always agree with my husband (he is step father to my 8 year old and we have 2 of our own) but I do try my best to not to disagree infront of the children and if it was something important we can discuss it together later and come up with some kind of compromise for the future. If my husband tells my son to tidy up and he then comes running to me, he first gets told off for running to me and is then made to tidy up. None of this isn't easy and I'm not saying for one second that we manage this all the time but we try to do this as much as possible.

Hope you get it sorted.
Yep sound advice there,hope it all works out,kids will work on the divide and conquer rule,so be u n i t e d,best of luck:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,163 Posts
:lol: Didn;t realise that Uni ted was in the swear filter! :lol:
Yep, all the insults and profanities under the sun can be hurled on here but you must NEVER EVER say the "U" word, or the name of the largest city in the Northwest, or even the name of the mobile phone company that Lewis Hamilton has on his car :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,051 Posts
Yep sound advice there,hope it all works out,kids will work on the divide and conquer rule,so be u n i t e d,best of luck:)
And to be fair they'll do it whether you're the step dad or the real dad. It feels as if it's because you're a step when in actual fact it's just what children do. They've just got extra ammo when they're a step (I should know I used to be one and I even remember using the "you're not my real dad" line because I could, I'd have just found something else if he had been my real dad) ;)
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top