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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick
themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like mostblind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the
contrary- the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage
and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the
contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a
hot day in Darrens house."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under you
arm and head for the bathtub:

-- Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and
lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.
Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't
try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase
him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than
four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat
and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a
shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can
shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician
can shift positions.)

-- Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all
the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart
and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas
overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-
mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve
flak jacket.

-- Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a
towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw
the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the
glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you
are lying on your back in the water.

-- Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as
if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually
notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in
fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain
that you are taking part in a product-testing experiment for J.C.
Penney.)

-- Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to
survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step
into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in
the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the
wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles.

Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is
radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more
that two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however,
you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub
like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water,
thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record is - for cats -
three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

-- Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume
this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn
out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined.
In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been
through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed
to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot,
reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat
will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this
happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to
encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from
the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your
leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and
will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might
even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster
figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the
case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your
defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give
him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better.
 

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itfczx9r said:
i just wasted a few minutes of my life i will never get back.......and have to live with the irony of not having a cat :(
Me too :(

Pyro get a Poodle, they love baths :D
 

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Pirate way to cleana cat....

Tie a brick to a piece of this 'ere rope.

Tie a noose round the 'tother end... Ooohh arr, ye see where this be going!

Send the dratted feline down to Davy Jones.



(BTW this i in jest, and I no way endourse the drowing of cute cats, even if attempting only to bathe them.)
 

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I for one can relate to that and find it hilarious...I own 4 cats, 2 of which have both been in need of bathing in the past :tick:

There is also this easier method...

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now - clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.

:lol:
 

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jennybugs said:
I for one can relate to that and find it hilarious...I own 4 cats, 2 of which have both been in need of bathing in the past :tick:

There is also this easier method...

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now - clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.

:lol:
That is AWESOME! :lol:
 

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2 cats and 1 dog guess which one gets bathed?
having tried to worm the cats there is no way no matter how smelly they get that I am ever going to attempt to wash them. :eek:
But thank you very much for you advice it certainly made me laugh lots :D
 

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:lol:wish i'd known that a year ago when one of our cats fell into a washering up bowl full of used engine oil from the previous service on the van and bug

we had to swarfega the little sod :eek:
 

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jennybugs said:
I for one can relate to that and find it hilarious...I own 4 cats, 2 of which have both been in need of bathing in the past :tick:

There is also this easier method...

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now - clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.

:lol:
i have tears streaming down my face:lol: at last a solution of how to wash the evil one:lol:
 

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BeeBug said:
i have tears streaming down my face:lol: at last a solution of how to wash the evil one:lol:
Just remember the nailing down of the loo seat ok? :lol:
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Roussy, now sadly missed, was a bastard to get into a cat box to take to the vet, I used to put on my leathers, gloves and crash helmet, vet thought I was mad the first time, after that I noticed that on roussy's notes it said "Do not attempt to treat or examine the cat without sedating it first!!"
 

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only had to clean my old cat once....

i guess this is what happened:

he climbed into the cat litter bag, got stuck, shit himself in the panic and managed to get out eventually.....i pretended like i didn't realise and left for work in a hurry, about 5 minutes later my phone rang with a "you'll never guess what the cat has done!" i played the sympathetic partner card and got away with it ;)
 

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this is somthing i am going to have to do in the not to distant future i'm afreid. one of our cats is to big and lazy to clean herself propaly so i think it's the bath for her:eek:

not looking forward to it.

still i can re-read this thread and laugh in the knowledge that i have won.
 

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Pyro said:
Roussy, now sadly missed, was a bastard to get into a cat box to take to the vet, I used to put on my leathers, gloves and crash helmet, vet thought I was mad the first time, after that I noticed that on roussy's notes it said "Do not attempt to treat or examine the cat without sedating it first!!"
I had to do the same with one of mine when she needed a bath treatment for a skin problem.

Full leathers gloves and helmet. I learnt this the hard way after spending 3 hours in A&E having 4 stiches, a tetanus jab and several dozen rather deep scratches cleaned out after trying to bathe her earlier that day!!
 
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