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The Squirrel and the Grasshopper

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.

The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 to state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the ****** Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END
 

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its actually a load of racist, xenophobic wank. :mad: VZi is no place for this tripe, can someone with a brain delete or lock this crap.

If you believe this facist bullshit you need your fucking head examining.

England wasn't the garden of Eden before mass immigration, there was no golden era.

ARSE!
 

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jimby said:
its actually a load of racist, xenophobic wank. :mad: VZi is no place for this tripe, can someone with a brain delete or lock this crap.

If you believe this facist bullshit you need your fucking head examining.

England wasn't the garden of Eden before mass immigration, there was no golden era.

ARSE!
Spot on, amigo.

Lock it? I'd rather see the true colours of some folk...

Xenophobic, racist, hateful crap. :(
 

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Funny that, my dad (actually my grandfather and his family) is an immigrant (economic too!) and I don't read that as the slightest bit racist or xenophobic in the slightest.

I'll be honest, I actually chuckle but feel there is some truth in it.

I know people who have moved out the country so they can give the money to their kids in the form of a decent education and a higher standard of living, people who have worked from very little money.

Some call them tax dodgers, but parents out there, would you sacrifice missing your kids birthdays to save a few quid?, these are rational people who have thought long and hard about what they are doing, and honestly think they are doing the best for their children.

Read it as you will, but it's a light hearted outlook on an increasing problem.
 

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Ugly Bloke said:
Perfectly bigoted loads of bollocks, nothing remotely funny in there.

I'm very light thanks.
Do you seriously take offence in that? and that's a real question, not me taking the piss or trying to pick a fight.
 

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Ugly Bloke said:
I don't take offence, I just think it is a narrow-minded bigoted thinking and above all just not very funny.
I read it as a light hearted attempt to highlight some serious short comings of the way this country operates ;), using animals for representation.

Guess it comes down to interpretation.
 

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Ugly Bloke said:
Everyone has their own intepretation of "humour".
And every opinion is as valid as the next, just cos you don't find it funny, doesn't mean it isn't :incheek:

I think calling it biggoted was a little harsh though
 

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very witty, i'm sure - but it's worth pointing out that a lot of the squirrels in this country have been sitting on nuts that were gleaned from earlier eras where the grasshoppers were working for little more than peanuts so that the squirrels can line their nests in order to provide their youngsters with a good education and the ability to gather nuts in the first place.

your average grasshopper is in a very difficult position because the very fact that they are grasshoppers means that they have been brought up with little or no capability to gather nuts.

this leaves three alternatives -

regress to pre-victorian squalid squirrel society

or

stamp out the grasshoppers

or

try to help generations of grasshoppers to become more like your squirrels, knowing that most will remain more like your grasshoppers but live in the hope that some may learn the way of the squirrel (assuming your squirrel is a contibutor to society - and not just ceraming the best off the top for themselves)

my fear is that propaganda like this crap we see posted here is either moving us into a retro society of a feudal system, or promoting right wing extremism.

you may find it mildly amusing - i find it jingoistic and mildly offensive. i wouldn't want the thread closed though - else i wouldn't be able to air my view

:)
 
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