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A young teenage girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighbourhood, but little old Grandma.
The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.
A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

A lady is eating breakfast out on her patio one morning, when she notices a massive gorilla climbing up her palm tree. This sight scares her so she runs inside her house.
Trying to figure out what to do she grabs the yellow pages and looks it up. Sure enough right in the yellow pages is a big ad for gorilla extractors. She calls the number and the man on the other end of the line says he'll be right over.
When he shows up he explains to the lady that it is a pretty common problem and it should only take a few minutes. First he must get his equipment. So from his truck he grabs a stepladder, a shotgun, an eight foot pole, handcuffs and a dog.
The lady exclaims, "What the hell is all that stuff for?"
The gorilla extractor explains, "First I climb up on the stepladder and ram this here pole up the gorilla ass. This will cause the gorilla to fall from the tree at which point that mean ass dog will bite the gorilla in the balls. This temporarily paralyzes the gorilla. At which point I put the handcuffs on the gorilla and take him away."
The lady asks, "What's the shotgun for?"
The man answers, "If I fall off the ladder, you shoot the dog!"

A city man went on vacation in the autumn for a color tour in the midwest. Stopping one night at a small tavern for a meal and a beer, he regaled the waitress with tales of his adventures and his amazement not only about the beautiful colors, but about how many flocks of geese he'd seen flying south for the winter.
The gray haired tavern owner came over and said, "Yup, those geese are amazing creatures."
"How do you mean?" asked the man.
"Well," the owner explained as he pulled out a chair. "That 'V' formation they fly in is something they evolved over tens of thousands of years to allow them to go further distances when they migrate."
"Really?" asked the man.
"Yup," said the owner. "The strongest flyer would take the point, and the other geese would fall in formation in his airstream to allow them to relax a bit and not have to work so hard."
"That's amazing," said the man.
"Yup," the owner went on. "And when the point man got tired, he'd fall back and another, well rested goose would take over the point."
"Wow," said the man. "I never knew that."
"And did you notice," the owner asked, "that one leg of that 'V' was always longer than the other?"
"Well now that I think about it, yes I did," said the man. "Why is that?"
"Well," the owner grinned as he got up. "It's got more geese in it."