The queen and prince Phillip get treated quite well.

One of the biggest issues is dementia, the prevalence of which rises with age with 1 in 6 people in the 80+ range likely to have this. Basically dementia is a terminal illness and the treatment for people suffering from it is variable depending on where people live as to what treatments they can get and what choices they have to remain at home or even where they die.
As a society we have some serious questions to ask about quality of life and prolonging life at any cost.
As individuals we may want to think NOW about advance directives for our care in later life. E.g do we want to be resuscitated if our quality of life is poor? Who do we want to manage our finances if we can't.
I see some abysmal practice in some care homes but also some very very caring people so all hope is not lost.

 

Italy...Whilst the MAJOR operatons have to be paid for in some part....the whole ethos of elderly is regarded a lot better than the UK.
To look after your parents is an Honour , and the mentality of the Italians is Parents and Children are seen as an asset not as a hindrance as it is in the UK......I hopefully will be an old man in Italy not the UK.

 

Plus 1....I agree 100%!

In my local village, the care home is run and worked in by locals, so they can't treat people badly even if they wanted to, as its their neighbours/family/friends elderly in there so they wouldn't get away with it, not that i think they would anyway.

There just seems a better attitude to elderly in general.

Healthcare is better there too.

 

Its funny because the old in this country are having problems that previous generations didn't suffer from as much because they are living longer. I remember my Gran and step-Grandfather were kept alive for quite a few years on an amazing combination of pills (20+ a day). I wonder now how long they'd have lasted without them and whether they did really benefit from them with possible side-effects?

 

what countries care better for the elderly?

ALL of them!

we as nation have been fed the lie that our health srevice is second to none.

the truth is, we are second to everyone.

 

ALL of them!

Shite.

 

sorry , a srevice is an albanian hunting dog, i think.

i meant to say service.

 

Finland look after the elderly as one would expect. I can honestly say with hand on heart, the same cannot be said for the UK unless said elderly person goes private.

My late grandmother was abused, ill treated, and eventually died in a care home in Telford. Afterwards our family put together evidence (photos, and video from phones) to show the ill treatment. This particular care home was not closed down, but was re-managed with new staff > Not good enough.

Don't get me started with detail as I don't really wish to re-visit the horrific treatment my gran endured.

 

I think most is down to family... I think a lot of families treat their older members very badly.

My in-laws for example are happy to take money from my bro-in-laws mother, but despite being over 80, doing loads for them, having raised him alone and having a big house they won't let her live with them.

My parents are in their 80s and live in effectively the same house as me and my family... we all look after each other and neither of them will ever live in an old folks home or long term hospital etc. They have always looked after me... I will always look after them.

 

This - really is the only way forward.

We need to take responsibility for our own elderly, perhaps with guidance and help from the State.

Putting them in a home/hospital where they are treated with indifference by itinerant foreign workers is shameful.

As one of the oldest on here and so looking at this closer than most of you and having had to help my parents through their last few years my response is- be prepared.

On the whole the instrutions are terrible at looking after old people. Be prepared for your old age unless you want to be mistreated and possibly killed. This is not said lightly and said from direct observation
My dad worked all his life and paid into a pension which has alowed my mom to have her last 4 years as a comfortable. warm and happy a life as you could get. It cost 10s of thousands of savings to get this. If it had been left to local social services - its them and not the NHS - she would have been in a shit home cold and not paid any attention to.
As it was she popped her clogs last week and was content to the end.

There are a few municiple or state homes but they are few and far between and reducing in number all the time.

Unless you have money and have children that will put in some time to instruct the home or hospitals when you inevitably go into them, your time will be miserable.

I am planning my demise in Spain, where the attitude is different and young people are happy to help older people and old people do not feel threatenned.

Not a good story all round

This is why I agree with Peelo - I also have witnessed that first hand

Sorry to hear about your mother Mike.

 

now see what you made me do!

i`m swearing again.

 

I think more funding needs to be put into care homes.

My dad's dad had a stroke and died 3 days later in hospital. The hospital didn't tell my Granny that on the third day (just before she visited him with my cousin) he had had another stroke. He died before she got home from that visit. Not great care.

My mum's dad had Alzheimers. When he got to the stage where he needed 24/7 care, mt Gran made the horrible decision to put him into a home. When he was in the home, they changed his medication. This made him hallucinate things like a hairdresser, instead of cutting a resident's hair, sticking pins into her head. He tried to stop the hairdresser, and was kicked out of the home for being violent.
Luckily we managed (through a carer at the original home) to find him a place in an NHS home, where he lived comfortably until he died.
The staff there were fantastic, communication was great (he was in the Lake District, while we're in London) and, while he wasn't the man I used to know, he was very well looked after.

During this ^ my Gran (mum's mum) developed brain cancer. She came down to live with us, and was with us for only about 6-7 months before she died.
I'm so glad she was able to live with us, it meant she wasn't being (in her words) patronised and "jollied along", and, most importantly for her, her cat came to live with us too.

Most recently my dad's mum, who was living in a warden-assisted flat, developed dementia. Even before the dementia set it she had said that she had no intention of living with any of us (stubborn old bird ) so my dad and his brothers organised a residential home for her to live in, down in Eastbourne where she'd lived for the last 50 or so years.
It was OK. Partly her lack of interest in anything, partly the staff's lack of time? effort? interest? meant that she was dressed every morning, put in her chair, given breakfast, and left until lunch. Then lunch came, she was taken to the loo (or changed if she'd had an accident) and she was left again, until dinner. Then she was changed for bed, in bed by about 7. Rinse, repeat.
Her false teeth and her hearing aid were lost with monotonous regularity. Considering she never left her room, we're not sure how.
She died this February, after 9 months in the home.

My folks are 70, and not physically able to have looked after her 24/7, so the care home was the only other option.
They're just about to move, downsizing their home, and putting some of the money from the sale aside for "the future". They mean, for a care home/care homes.

I love my folks dearly, and my brother and I have joked with them for years about pushing them down the stairs, putting them down, sending them to Switzerland, etc., etc.

I honestly don't know what will happen when the time comes when one or both of them are unable to live in their own home. I don't know if they would want to live with me or my brother, but if they did (despite my dad driving us both mental) I know that we would open our homes to them.

If they ended up with Alzheimer's or dementia, it would be awhole different ball game - I've lost two grandparents to these awful, awful diseases and am not sure if I/we could cope with the 24/7 care, even if we could afford to give up work to do it.

Bit of a ramble, apologies, and not sure if there was even much of a point to it...just my experience. Kudos if you read the whole thing!

Hels

 

no..kudos to you my friend, for being a decent guy!

 

oops, thats what Hels means, my bad lol!!

sorry hels, decent girl then:>

Its a horrible thought Darren, and these stories are way to common to be isolated incidents, we are a true throw away society..

 

No worries hon, I've ben told I'm quite manly Thank you

Hels :hug: - know exactly what you mean

There are good and bad in this country, be it nhs, social services/local authority, or private, and the only way to change that is to improve funding, tighten up regulations and invest in the carers/ nursing staff training to improve the care they provide

My nan was in some appalling homes (when she developed dementia and could no longer live with us) but we found an amazing home that she was in for her last 15/16 years, that looked after her waaaay better than we could she was happy and cared for
I've met families so determined to keep their elders out of homes that they have put their own health at risk as well as the health of their elders they don't ask for support because they think we will dictate to them and "put them in a home" - that's not possible!!
My day job is to help these families get whatever help they need to keep them safe and cared for, from a care package to equipment to a placement in a home if that's what the patient wants

There are shit places out there, and shit nhs workers, but not all of us are!! Some of care a lot, and go the extra mile to look after our patients. I take it personally when the nhs is lumped together when it's as varied as its possible to be, it might be technically one organisation but in reality it's not!!
It's like saying all mechanics are dodgy cos one ripped you off !

:hug: You're right on that hon x x

I have neither children nor money, oh joy :lol:

Me either C'mon Euromillions :crazy::incheek:

 

As one of the oldest on here and so looking at this closer than most of you and having had to help my parents through their last few years my response is- be prepared.

On the whole the instrutions are terrible at looking after old people. Be prepared for your old age unless you want to be mistreated and possibly killed. This is not said lightly and said from direct observation
My dad worked all his life and paid into a pension which has alowed my mom to have her last 4 years as a comfortable. warm and happy a life as you could get. It cost 10s of thousands of savings to get this. If it had been left to local social services - its them and not the NHS - she would have been in a shit home cold and not paid any attention to.
As it was she popped her clogs last week and was content to the end.

There are a few municiple or state homes but they are few and far between and reducing in number all the time.


Unless you have money and have children that will put in some time to instruct the home or hospitals when you inevitably go into them, your time will be miserable.


I am planning my demise in Spain, where the attitude is different and young people are happy to help older people and old people do not feel threatenned.


Not a good story all round

 

Unless you have money and have children that will put in some time to instruct the home or hospitals when you inevitably go into them, your time will be miserable.

I have neither children nor money, oh joy :lol:

 

Hels :hug: - know exactly what you mean

There are good and bad in this country, be it nhs, social services/local authority, or private, and the only way to change that is to improve funding, tighten up regulations and invest in the carers/ nursing staff training to improve the care they provide

My nan was in some appalling homes (when she developed dementia and could no longer live with us) but we found an amazing home that she was in for her last 15/16 years, that looked after her waaaay better than we could she was happy and cared for
I've met families so determined to keep their elders out of homes that they have put their own health at risk as well as the health of their elders they don't ask for support because they think we will dictate to them and "put them in a home" - that's not possible!!
My day job is to help these families get whatever help they need to keep them safe and cared for, from a care package to equipment to a placement in a home if that's what the patient wants

There are shit places out there, and shit nhs workers, but not all of us are!! Some of care a lot, and go the extra mile to look after our patients. I take it personally when the nhs is lumped together when it's as varied as its possible to be, it might be technically one organisation but in reality it's not!!
It's like saying all mechanics are dodgy cos one ripped you off !

 

....

There are good and bad in this country, be it nhs, social services/local authority, or private, <Snip>

I agree its very patchy, but the difference between the average private and the average public is massive from my investigations in Brum and Oxford.

Its not just funding though I am afraid its attitude. My mother was looked after Bulgarian and Bangladeshies and their care and concern was superb.
Unfortunatley my experince of geriatric ward nurses has been shocking.

 

.

 

Thanks Peelo & Mr Slug
She made 95 (OK she missed by one day - we give her that) she passed away in her sleep and was active until the end. I have no sorrow as itwas a good a life as you can hope for

We celebratre her life on the 25th. Drink a glass for me!

 

Certainly will,

I guess if you could write your own 'life script', living an active life until 95, and then passing away while asleep is the way we would all chose.

That, as you mention, must be an enormous comfort.

:hug:

 

This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, but there's no easy solution. Mine are both in their 80's and live 4 hours away. They're both getting frail (mum goes in for a knee and hip replacement next month). But Dad's still driving well so they're still mobile which is good as they live in the wilds of West Cumbria. Couldn't put them in a home as it'd kill them (Dad's Dad died through negligence in one), but he'd never leave Cumbria and even if one of them did our house isn't big enough or suitable (has stairs). Something will have to get sorted when the time comes but they aren't getting left on the scrapheap - they sacrificed a lot for me so they'll get the same in return. At the moment we're just trying to see both sets (inlaws are similar ages and distance) as much as possible so my 3 year old daughter has some happy memories of them.

 

Ta both - Hic!!

 

I have seen both sides of the coin, having put my dad into a home to basically save my mother from the utter exhaustion of caring for someone who locked her out of the house in the middle of the night as he no longer knew who she was and who asked the same thing hundreds of times a day and sometimes became aggressive as he was so frustrated with the situation.
No one wants to go into a home, no one wants to put a relative in a home, but sometimes you just have to for their sake and the sake of their carer.
My team at work try really hard to ensure that care is provided appropriately and people kept safe. When people want to stay home we try to support them to do so.
More funding to do that would be helpful, instead we are having to make cuts.